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A change needs to happen soon. I need a makeover, a new wardrobe, I need to start walking in heels better. It's stupid to say, but Lady Gaga has brought out the stronger fashionista in me. Seeing her, and how much she loves fashion and wants to take it over the edge, reading more and more fashion based blogs/tumblrs just makes me want to care more about my style and take more risks. I have to learn to love my body more.

Of course with all this needing to change, I am stuck once again without a semester of college. I tried umASS Dartmouth, but they didn't want to transfer in all of my classes, especially some of the lower level classes, take theirs instead and on top of that take 4 years plus to finish their degree.....well fuck that. Emerson told me I could finish my degree there in a year, thats what I assumed as well.

I've been applying to several other places to work two part time jobs, rather than extending my hours at work, and having to explain to everyone why I am not going to college this semester. I am trying to be positive but its hard. I miss school, I miss the routine, the socialization, the feeling of belonging. The lady from my doctor's office never sent me a list of therapists, so I am going to have to call her again. I need to speak to someone, I don't want to be so depressed, I hate being so negative, I don't like feeling like the person I was in high school and college. I also hate how much regret I live with-something needs to change.

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September 2010
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