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      I keep forgetting to update this thing, but then again no one reads it so why bother. So much has changed and I feel like I am still in the same predicament, stuck and wanting to get out.  I couldn't afford to go to Emerson this year, so this semester I will be at URI. I'm kinda bummed because I feel like I am missing out so much (i.e. being in Boston) but I guess getting out all together will be nice, though I am worried I will have to stay home for six more months instead of dorming because of my age.

   I've been working quite a bit more (43 hours just this week past), and seeing everyone else go on these vacations and I want in too! I'm thinking about using part of my financial aid check towards a long weekend in the August, but the thing is I just put in for another day off at work so I'm sure it might piss my boss even more if I'm like hey I don't think I will be able to work any weekend in August....SORRY!!~ I want to go back to New York so bad,  I wanna see places I haven't seen there yet, go shopping at stores I keep reading about there, and be in a hotel room by myself and just have fun.

Fun I haven't heard that word in a while, along with the word happy much either. I finally came out to my Mom and told her that I have been feeling really overwhelmed lately, and that I feel like things are falling apart. I had been crying at the drop of the hat, but pretty much been keeping it a secret, or getting extremely angry at the stupidest things. My Mom took me to the Wareham hospital where I sat around, cried, waited, and had an attractive man watch me as I felt like and looked like shit. I finally got annoyed because they wanted me to see a social worker, but I just wanted them to up my meds and give me the number to a local therapist but no. I called my crappy doctor's office to get berated by a cunty nurse. After a week or two of being on the upped meds, I have been seeing a difference, I'm not talking about Prozac happy or something but just able to control my emotions and be more motivated to do things like read (which I have been missing quite a bit). I still have a hard time getting out of bed, but I think it is the excessive hours I am working and working till 9 so why should I think I have to get up at 8am?!

Who knows....

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