Wow it's been October since I've written in this thing, I feel like I should add so much more. I read up to 20 blogs a day, yet never write for my own. I want to change that, I think it would be more cathartic to write, then just keep everything bottled up. Plus too I want to start photographing more, there are so many great bloggers out there with amazing photography, and though I don't think I would be amazing at it, I think it would be more interesting to have or to look at on a blog.  A couple of things have happened since October:

1. Thanksgiving-This year I cooked a 17lb. turkey all by myself and of course the fixings. I've always cooked smaller birds because its always been my Mom, Granma, and I, but this year we had Tom, and Mom's friends (Ginnie and Peter) over, so we of course needed a larger bird.

2. Finals-HECTIC, HECTIC, HECTIC. I think my brain went on overload, but I did a lot better than I thought I would. 3 B+, and 1 B. My Marketing project didn't go as well as I would have hoped because most of my group members didn't actually look at the project, or read the essay beforehand, so they would know what to say. French I got a B+ in, which really surprised me because I can't speak or write a lick of French even after taking 4 months of it. Honors went semi-well, I did get a B+ in it, but I don't think I would join the Honors Curriculum, too much to handle. My Honors Final Project though did go well, I was really surprised and felt that my project went well (both my teacher and peers said stuff to me individually about how well it went).

3. URI- Still waiting to hear back, and it better be soon. I need to get out, and start experiencing things at a real school, sure community college is a real school, but nothing is really last longs (i.e. groups, activities), and socializing is really hard when you have to spend 45 minutes just getting to class in the first place. I really want to get into URI, I want to live on my own again (sure I will be living in a single dorm, but I don't mind, I need to be around people my own age), I want to study abroad, I want to be apart of a really great internship (Conde Nast Summer Internship here I come!!), I want to join clubs/organizations. I just want to belong.

4. Dog sitting- I spent a week up in Norton watching th dogs, or should I say dog. Sadly they had to put one of their dogs down, so only one is left. It was weird only having to take care of one, as opposed to two.

5. Christmas- Went well this year, and was really nice, I got a lot of great stuff (especially gift cards, thank god for those), but would have love to have been able to buy more presents this year. I really feel like I didn't get people enough stuff, and would have liked to have bought more. Of course going from a job where I worked full-time and made $13/hour- a part-time job where I only make $8.50/hour does make a difference.

6. New Year's- Watched a lot of random television, especially the next day when my Mom and I decided to spend watching a couple of hours watching Animal Planet's "Dogs 101" and "Cats 101".  So far I've decided to that my resolution would not be to loose weight, or stop drinking soda so much, but to like myself a little more this year. I want my self-confidence to grow into something other than nothing, I want to find the positives in body and face, rather than the negatives. Thank God for V magazine doing two seperate plus sized photoshoots, to make me feel more confidant that I can be beautiful at a size 18. I am also thankful for blogs like Musings of a Fatshionista, and Young, Fat, and Fabulous-they make me wanna dress better, and be more happy with my curves.

Currently going insane with homework, and worrying about my GPA. I feel like I am not smart enough for my Honors class. I know I am smart however, I just don't think I am smart enough for this class in particular. I am doing well (for once) in my math class, and in fact, am getting 90+ on weekly tests! I am doing well in my marketing class, though I think it helped that I took Public Relations before it, because most of the key words I already knew.


I pretty much know I will be applying to Emerson College in Boston, MA and University of Rhode Island, in Kingston, RI. I haven't visited the campus of URI, but their booklet, and website is extremely informative, and I can always visit the school after I get in, haha. I am going to visit Emerson again, but this time with my Mom on the 26th, so I hope I can sit down with an Admissions Counselor, and show my grades and what I've been doing, since I have to apply electronically.

Finished reading "The Guinea Pig Diaries" by A.J. Jacobs, funnily enough we had to write an immersion diary where we just write down exactly what we are thinking at the exact moment while doing something (reading a book, watching a movie at home, finishing work, etc.), and I mentioned in my writing about multi-tasking and how it actually is fairly inept, and how our society makes it impossible t do things one at a time. I keep checking his website in hopes that he will add Boston to his tour date, but of course no. Damn.

On the brightside Augusten Burroughs is doing a book signing late October at the Collidge Corner Theatre for his new book which is supposed ot be a collection of short stories all about Christmastime. So excited. I am trying to get my mother to go, she read " A Wolf At The Table", and it enjoyed it (and was horrified as well with most things that I read or enjoy watching).

Currently reading however, "The Heart is Deceitful of All Things" by JT Leroy, or whatever her real name is (completely forgot), and also bought at B&N "Rant" by Chuck Palahniuk. I also want to start a reading project where I try and read (if possibly) any book that has been banned in U.S. history, I already downloaded the Top 100 most popular banned books in US History, so it should be interesting to try and do.

I finally got into Teen Vogue Fashion University, two days before registration ended. So of course I can't go as I have no money, and didn't during registration time. If they had sent me the acceptance email on the date they said they were going to, September 15th, I would have actually had money to go. So sad because I wanted to experience it one more time. Oh well.

On the 2nd season of "The IT Crowd" all I have to say is British tv is so much better than American tv (i.e. The IT Crowd, Absolutely Fabulous, Skins, The Office, Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares, The Graham Norton Show). I guess they tried to do an American version which I am surprised didn't work out, but would have loved to see even a pilot episode of it.

+Back in school, busy as ever, but happy.

+Looking at schools, Emerson is at top, but with University of Rhode Island follows a close second

+Cut down my work hours because I have more schoolwork this semester, which means I probably wont even make $100 on my upcoming paycheck. BOO.

+Finally saw Inglorious Basterds, all I have to say is SO GOOD

+Reading "The Guinea Pig Diaries" by A.J. Jacobs, which is awesome, I wish he was doing a reading/singing in Boston, but on his website he doesn't even come close to Massachusetts.

More of a real update to follow....

+Apparently the weather is having a hard time deciding it should be rainy or hot, so instead it does both.

+Working more hours, which means by the time I get home the lights are all off and everyone is in bed. I guess its kinda nice, but I am just getting sick of waiting around for school to start up again. I have an entire month to wait for, and I can't stand it.

+Plus side to my extra time is that I am going to volunteer at a local animal shelter on Mondays helping out wherever necessary. Also doing the Backpack 2 School program, except this year I am only picking 1 kid because I can't afford to do two kids this time.

+Been trying to find a black or charcoal blazer with white or black piping (depending on the color of the blazer), except Torrid used to carry it but they only have it in a size 4, which is way too big. I'm also trying to find a dress I really liked on WhatIWore Tumblr.

+Joined Facebook, still trying to figuire it out and see if it is a good idea.

+Stressed about money, money,money.

+ Finally back home for real after two weeks of dog sitting, two weeks off from it, then a week back on. I liked the extra money but it pretty much went away once I got it. Hopefully I should have a good paycheck this Wednesday because I worked an after 5 hours filling in for someone on Monday.

+Never got a letter of declination from Boston University even though I have come to the conclusion that I didn't get in, I still would have appreciated the letter so I wouldn't have to worry . I have been checking out Emerson College, and am going to a campus visit this Friday which I am happy about. I might check out Newbury College as well that day if they ever email me back. I might check out Suffolk University and maybe Northeastern University, if I find out where it is.

+Applied for the Teen Vogue Fashion University, though I don't know how good it is going to be because the sponsors aren't as great as last year (last year: Target, Kodak, Maybelinne, Smart Water, Redken-this year: H&M, Baby Phat, Pac Sun, and Charlotte Russe). Anything to get me back in New York though. Plus too this time I might try to make contacts as I am actually in college now.

+Nothing else new, but I would like some new clothes, everything I have is overworn, and I need a pair of clean black sneakers that actually fit me.

Basically I left a long ass blogroll, then forgot to finish because I was interrupted, and never got back to doing it.

Working, working, working, which equals tired all the time and feeling like a bum because I never get out of bed before 9 now. It just feels nice having a paycheck, so I can pay for all my debt/bills.

Good side though: Spring Semester GPA: 3.67 MUTHAFUCKAS!!!!!! Of course I got a B in MacroEconomics because well I hate them man and didn't agree with his ideals. Other than that I was so pumped, I didn't do nearly as good at Ai, and my classes were less involved.

Bad side though: Missbehave totally died. I am so bummed, I knew once they became a "digital magazine" they would go kinda downhill, but it seems like the creator of Missbehave just let it fall apart and didn't really give a shit about the readers. There were some really kick ass female (and some male bloggers) on there, like Lesley Arfin and Baby Sinead.  It was a daily routine for me to go to their site and feel like I was living in a bit of culture rather than living in a beach town while feeling of no way out.


Still haven't heard from BU, but I also haven't checked the mail in two days, but man I really need to get in. Its become less about wanting to get in, and now needing to get in.

Oh man so busy, you don't even know!!

PLUSES:

-GOT A JOB !!!! Finally. I'm working at Benny's as a cashier, which is nice because it is 5 minutes from my house, and they are awesome about scheduling. Everyone seems generally nice, and they are only open till 9 during summer and christmas time.

-End Of The Year Bash tomorrow!!!! YAY! No more freaking out about orders and decorations and invitations. Pure hell in trying to find and work with inflatables, especially when it is your first year doing it. Though it is hetic I wouldn't mind doing some sort of event during the summertime to give people a chance to relax around campus

-Getting to sleep in somewhat tomorrow. My 8am class got canceled which means I can sleep till 7:30 and be on campus for 9 to help set up.

MINUSES:

-Driving way too much yesterday, driving to Family Pet (though on the plus side I got to pet the most adorable Great Dane) to get rabies vaccine receipt faxed to Town Hall, driving across town to have Town Hall tell me they haven't recieved any fax from Family Pet. Spending 20 minutes at Town Hall because their faxes don't work, and they are assholes (I swear its a requirement for them to be cranky as soon as you get there, and not want to get up off their ass and walk around a desk to the booth.  On top of that drove in New Bedford, to find out that my old doctor never faxed my immunization records to my new doctors, so now I have to call them, and have them fax the records to my school, so I can register for summer semester.

-Getting creeped out while getting gas. Holy shit, people are desperate for gas. While I went to go pump my gas at some random place in Westport, some random guy with a red gas container ask me for money, but of course I have no money,  and in fact spending money I shouldn't be, so I got freaked out because I was all by myself outside, and he was standing right by my car. Thankfully, I went inside and paid in there, but out of nowhere they guy walks in there as soon as I come outside, and shockingly has some cash on him to pay for some gas on his own! I even watched him as I left and he stayed at the pump as soon as he finished pumping, I guess waiting for me people to get cash out of.



-Fight with parents this weekend. Apparently, my father thinks that if I cry that I am not an adult. They also think that I don't help around the house which is a bunch of bullshit, I didn't get to clean the house this friday like
 

The past few days have been spent either wanting to punch a wall, or break down and cry . I have no money, and no fucking job. I am sick of this.

Somebody needs to remind me why I went back to college in the first place?!

test: 1,2,3

NO MONEY. NO JOB. NO HEARD FROM CONDE NAST. NO HAPPY.

        I am off kilter about my usual posting, but am always on lj, whats up with that?! Sitting here with a purring cat on my life, and an adorable dog to my right, I am once again pet-sitting. Man do I love my job. I get to hang out with cute animals, and get to be by myself-man I need a place of my own! So far its only for the weekend, but luckily its money in my pocket that I get to use for paying the bills. 
        Yesterday, I applied for the Conde Nast summer internship program. I really, really want this. To be able to intern for a magazine like Vogue, or Vanity Fair, would be a dream come true. I don't care if I am treated like  crap, I want the experience of working with them. Of course I have no money, but luckily that is what school loans are for. I have applied for a few jobs, but of course haven't heard back on any of them. Whatever. The funny thing about applying for the internship was that I was so positive before applying, and now that I have I am kinda thinking negatively. Looking at all the girls and guys who went to Teen Vogue University back in October, well about 95% of them seem to come from some sort of money. Plus too about three other girls, who were there were plus sized, so once again that comes into consideration for the thought of them picking someone like me. Of course I know that they have no idea when I am applying what I look like, or what my financial status is, but unfortunately, many of today's media and even fashion houses/designers make women of size seem despicable or not worthy of fashion because of their size/stature, which in affects makes it seem harder for a plus-sized person to get into the fashion industry. But Mom says that she is going to pray for me, and she is proud of me, so I need to start thinking more positive about myself as well. 
       School has been going well. I actually got a 100 on my public relations test, I haven't gotten a 100 on a test in a LONG time. Plus too the test I took in Film on Thursday, well I know I did well on that test as well. The only class I am concerned about is my Macro Economics class, because I didn't do that well on my test a couple of weeks ago, but I have been doing well on my essays and am always in class, so I think that might even out that grade. But I have to already start worrying about midterms, which means group projects and major essays. Hot damn I haven't been in school in forever, and now I have to start worrying about writing about scenes and pr issues, and even american civ issues! 
       Seeing as I have all this stress of not having a job, midterms, bills, and getting the internship, of course my first thought is-I need a vacation. I haven't been on a real vacation for awhile. Sure I went to New Orleans, but I didn't really get to do as much as I would've wanted to just because of the heat, and not really feeling the safest/most comfortable. Plus too with New Orleans, I probably would've enjoyed Bourbon Street a lot more with friends, then with my stepmother. No offense to her, but I don't really want to pass by the Hustler Club and major strip clubs with my authority figuire. I wanna go for a week back to New York, or even back to Seattle (well to actually see Seattle and not UW campus). I would even love to go back to Disneyworld, just to have some fun, which of course was my new year's resolution. 

I'm always on lj, but never signing in. I have no idea why. So many changes, so exciting!

-School: I can't believe it, but I am actually in school, in classes, participating!! It is so weird because I feel like I am so much older than the other kids in my class, but really it's more of a maturity level. Some of these kids have no idea what punctuality means, or shutting the fuck up when the teacher is speaking. But thats ok, it just puts more of a focus on me about school.

-Internships: I have been checking out a whole bunch and am going to apply to the Conde Nast Summer Intership in New York, who knows if I will get in, but I am still going to try. This time around, I am going to take more chances and see what I can get out everything.

-Job: Sill no job just yet, but things I am sure are going to look up. I'm not looking for anything in particular, just part-time, and within decent distance between home and school

Been watching movies, movies, movies, but yet dropped out on reading for some reason. I need to get back into that.

Oh man I haven't been on in forreeeevvveerrr. Lets see what is there to update:

-Started school today!! Well my first real class starts tomorrow but still, I went over to the school and now I have a student i.d. and stuff

-Saw a pretty interesting documentary called "Goth Cruise", which is exactly what it is about, goths going on a cruise. It's funny because I read an article a few years ago in Spin Magazine about a goth day at DisneyLand so it sorta reminded me of that.  The best part of the documentary is most of them thought they weren't even goth but just liked the scene.

-Saw a couple of movies, Bolt and Bedtime Stories in theatres because Wareham never seems to have any adult related movies play. Then of course watched a couple on the computer because thats all I seem to do now

-Made quite a few bucks watching Cosmo so I was happy I have a little bit of playing and gas money.

-oH MAN SNOW AGAIN?! Really?!! FUCK

Turkey day went well, though it was touch and go for a few moments, due to an undersized pan and an overtired mother. Luckily, I got everything fininshed by 2, so at least we got to eat at a decent time. It was kind of akward eating in someone else's house other than your own (my mom was dogsitting for her cousin), I never really felt like I could let my guard down because it was my place to relax and hang out and make as big of a mess as I needed to. Oh well, thankfully Christmas wont be like that.

Of course I did go shopping on Black Friday, but at 3 in the afternoon rather than those crazy fucks who go at 3 in the morning. Sorry, but no machine, game, device, or book would make me want to get up at 3am, to stand in line. Sure I stood in line for muesums and shows, but never for an actual item. Plus too knowing myself if I purchases something as expensive as say a Wii, I would never play with it. I got a Nintendo for my 8th or 9th birdthday, and after a week or two of playing it, had a really bad nightmare about it, and never played with it again. I'm sure I wont have bad nightmares about Wii, but I just couldn't pay $300-$400 on something I know I wouldn't use that much.


Anyways, I am pretty excited for Thursday to come, Bryant University is holding a PostSecret event and I need to go. I love this website and seriously want all the books for Christmas, so I am driving 45 minutes to meet Frank, and see these postcards in all their glory. I just can't wait to actually go and be around people who know of the site, and enjoy and appreciate it as much I do.

Oh man I am way too busy for this. More to come later...

It looks like my goal of getting to BU is basically becoming squashed, with this recession all these local MA colleges/university are making insane budget cuts (MIT cut about $60 million, and UMASS Dartmouth cut $50), now BU is freezing all major construction to the school and employment. So it looks like Bristol Community College, might be my best bet right now. They offer full-time classes and it is insanely cheaper to check out, so that when I can try out again in the fall for BU. I'm trying to keep positive but to be honest, it is really hard.

But on the plus side, more reading has continued because of me buying books all the time. Right now I am reading "Choke" by Chuck Palahniuk. I've never been one to enjoy fiction books, because I think real life is so much more fascinating, than the made up stuff, but I really enjoy his writing aesthetic. I haven't gotten very far in the book as of yet, only a few chapters, but it is a really interesting take on sex addiction and showing it's lonley-ness and where the addiction actually stems from. Maybe once I finish reading this (and a couple of other books I already have on my list), I might pick up some of his other stuff. Late on the bandwagon, once again.

Tonight because it is Friday and I of course have no plans, I might go and check out Zach & Miri Make a Porno. I really want to see it, and plus too I have no reason to be home at 4:30 on a Friday night.  Of course I want to see Role Models because it's a David Wain film, but of course that'll have to go on my ever-growing list of things to read/see/do.

Last night's I"It's Always Sunny...." was pretty funny. To make Dayman/Nightman into a Broadway show is a great idea, and the fact that Danny DeVito kept saying "Boy's Hole" rather than "Boy's soul" probably kept my parents up because I was laughing so loud.

I can't believe how much Christmas shopping needs to get done before I even think about shopping for my own family. This year has been crazy for the Adopt-A-Family Program for Child & Family Services just because they took forever to assign us a family, and then all the presents need to be wrapped and tagged and brought in by December 5th, thats 23 days away! I had like three months last year to raise money and go out and buy stuff. Thankfully the girls have been really helpful, and having been picking up stuff for the little girl of the group which has been great, but of course I am kinda going blank as what to buy the mother because all she really wants is a pair of black boots. Then for the Kid Kit Program in Wareham (which is the same thing as Adopt-A-Family but with a different name), it is difficult find toys for a 2 year old that likes Spongebob and Spiderman that are actually age appropriate (most are 5 and above).  Luckily he likes Elmo as well so that has been really easy to find.

Of course with all this being said and having to use my money, that means that my debit card wont let me use it as a credit card, which means I have to make sure the place will let me specifically use my pin number (like Target or Walmart), or have cash on me (with the unfortunate events that took place at Panera Bread and Bennys, when I ultimately embarrassed myself because the card went through as declined, even though I had more than enough money in my account). So Citizens Bank made up some BS excuse once again, so I am stuck waiting for a new card to come in, I know once the new year starts I wont be with them anymore because I am so sick of all their wrongdoings. Anytime I see one of their television ads, I want to punch a wall I hate them so much. Plus too I signed up to get $.10 back for eveytime I use my debit card rather than cash, and yet they have only added it once to my account!

But on to good things, tonight I am going to the book signing in Providence for Jim Norton. Everytime he is in town I want to see his stand up but never have anyone to go with. Most places I don't mind going by myself, and actually enjoy better (muesums, shopping, book readings, I even went and saw Regina Spektor by myself), but some things you do need to do with another person. I bought his new book last night, but haven't had a chance to read it, though I should at lunch, his other book was really good, and this new one has been getting a lot of great reviews. Though of course that would stop me for a bit from finishing up "The Year of Living" by AJ Jacobs, which I am enjoying immensely. It's funny because in one chapter he talks about how sometimes it is embarassing to carry around the bible, everyone gives you funny looks (which probably are a bit worst in NYC then in New Bedford, or Onset), and anytime I try to explain the book to people they seem to act like I am this religious zealot who is trying to learn the ways of the righteous. Um no. Just reading thanks. No one gave me weird looks or kinda just made "oh" noise when I told them title of the book, while I was reading "A Year Without Made in China".

Then I am up to Boston on the 24th because Annie Leibovitz is doing a speaking engagement there, and well I need to see her. Apparently she just came out with a new book (that I wont unfortunately be buying as I can't afford $40 books, maybe in a couple of years Annie), so she will be promoting that, and doing a signing as well. Thankfully I took the next day off because there is no way I would be able to get home at like 11:30 and be up for work the next day. Plus too Dad and Lu Ann will be leaving for PA that morning (2am to be exact), so I will be in charge on the dogs for that week (kind of a bummer that I wont be able to just spend the night in Boston, which I would love).

Which now goes into Thanksgiving, holy crap I am going to need to start buying dinner stuff! I know some things are going to have to wait, like fresh veggie stuff because I don't want to buy them, and then have them go bad two days later. I think maybe if I get the turkey now I wont have to deal with a mad dash of people the weekend before, plus too I might be able to get a better deal on it. Oh well, who knows. My mind is on Christmas more than Thanksgiving.

Also I think I am addicted to reading blogs, I seriously have about 13 listed that I read on a daily basis. Is that bad?